18.6.2012

 偶尔的回忆过去，让我觉得我的人生在退步。

期待、等待、失败，人生就是那么纠结。 

带着复杂的心情，看复杂的人生，走复杂的路。
用无所谓的态度，过好随遇而安的生话。我也想。

I'm exhausted of trying to control those tears from falling. Crying myself to sleep, going blank on the morning of exams; these have never happened before.

I don't know what has gone wrong with me. I studied, and I knew I had, but I just couldn't recall things that I know when the paper is in front of me. Staring at the Methotrexate bottle, thinking 'I know this, I know this', but nothing comes back to me. Have been praying, and praying, but Lord? What am I to do now? Other than You, there is nobody else I can turn to. Other than you, there is no one else who knows exactly what I'm going through mentally and physically.

KJ, in spite of how much I want to rely on him, I can't bring myself to. He himself has too much to cope with. Friends? Hugs, pats on the head, few words of comfort don't do. I really don't know what to do. Pray harder and work harder? Or just let everything go to keep my sanity?

"Father Lord, give me a sane mind,

give me strength and everything else I need to clear the obstacles ahead,

show me the path You had written out for me, Lord. Amen."